“I was a really outgoing kid all the way through high school, then anxiety hit me like a freight train in college.”

Jake Jass, Event Director for the Des Moines Marathon, hadn’t experienced significant mental health struggles until early in college. Riding the bus to class at Iowa State University as a freshman, he started sweating and experienced his first panic attack. That experience would kick off a new relationship with mental health that would become a new normal for him into adulthood. “It knocked my world sideways in a way I have never experienced before,” Jake said.

With no experience in dealing with mental illness, and few discussions on it through his childhood, Jake found himself drowning. Social obligations, going to class, and routine errands became insurmountable mountains to overcome.

“I just ran away from a lot of situations, I didn’t go to school often, I didn’t hang out with friends. All in an effort to minimize the effects of anxiety and depression,” Jake said. “I just grabbed a shovel and kept digging instead of doing something about it.”

This would become Jake’s new normal for 5 years. Avoiding school, friends, and even things as simple as checking out at the grocery store, because those actions would lead to debilitating anxiety and panic attacks. While he spent his college years trying to survive, confused about what he was experiencing, he watched his peers live the normal college life. He felt increasingly isolated. When he was struggling to go to school, everyone else’s lives seemed perfect. “I looked around and thought, I’m the only person experiencing this.”

Reflecting on that time, Jake says there was no eureka moment where he decided enough was enough, “I didn’t have an a ha! moment. I just had a feeling that life was passing me by.”

After being paralyzed by anxiety and depression for nearly half a decade, he sought out information, did research, listened to podcasts, and learned more about the experiences of others that echoed what he had lived through. When he heard others tell their story, accept it, and normalize it, it made him feel ok in his struggles, and gave him the spark he needed to dig himself back out.

From basic ideas like working out and eating right, to therapy and medication, and even small things having water on hand and learning breathing exercises to ground himself when anxiety arises, Jake found the things that helped him control what he was feeling. From there, he began taking charge of his life again.

“Reintegrating myself in daily life helped me get back on track. Saying yes to things and trying to fight through the more uncomfortable but ordinary daily situations,” he said. This reintegration, his new treatment tools, and an honesty and acceptance of his experience helped him regain control. Facing the feelings head on, addressing them, accepting them, and not running was a big step in his journey with his mental health. He understands his anxiety better and has resources at the ready, but that doesn’t mean the tough days are behind him. Into adulthood his anxiety has persisted. He found himself in another tough time when a period of unemployment, the birth of his son, the pandemic, and other life events overlapped.

Through this he learned an important lesson. Life will always have peaks and valleys, and it’s important to have your support system and self-care resources like therapy and physical activity in order. “You may feel like you are ok and in a good spot, but you never know what life is going to throw at you. You may feel like you don’t need it today, but you may tomorrow. There’s so many ups and downs, I have stretches of months where I am doing good, then life will hit you.”

Giving Help He Didn’t Have

Jake’s growth and understanding of mental illness has helped him reflect on his family's relationship with mental health, and the importance of sharing our stories.

“My first reaction when I started having panic attacks was that something was wrong with me, and that was ingrained in me at a young age. My dad was blue collar, and the family had a ‘pick yourself up by your bootstraps mindset’, where you figured it out yourself and didn’t make a fuss about it.”

The unfortunate dichotomy between this, and the prevalence of mental illness in his family has motivated him to speak to his loved ones about his experience openly, so that they can hopefully not struggle like he did.

“My parents never practiced what they preached. They would say go to therapy, but they were going through the same things I did, and they weren’t [going to therapy]. It makes you feel like they’re just handling it better than you are. You can normalize it, by just saying you struggle and talking to someone about it. Now my parents talk to someone, and my cousins have reached out to me because they are experiencing something very similar.” Jake said.

As his family members reach out because they are struggling for the first time, so are the friends he had to watch thrive in college while he was at his worst. This, Jake says, is where he can put his dark times to good use.

“There is always a gift at the end of a struggle, it might be for you, or it could be for someone that is going through something else.”

That gift is making others know they are normal for their struggle, and that they will make it through their own dark times where they can better control their mental illness. Whether that be friends, family, or his young son, Jake is aready to help others get to the other side like he did.

“Now that I have a son, my struggle will be his gift. We’re going to talk about it and meditate together,” Jake said. “He’s only three and I’m already helping him breathe deeply and combat these things. In the end if you still feel the same way that’s fine, but giving people the tools in their toolbelt is super valuable.”

Advice to Anyone Listening

To those experiencing mental illness and the isolation he felt on the bus at Iowa State all those years ago, Jake’s advice boiled down to two things; don’t underestimate the little things and just talk.

If you are struggling to get yourself out of a hole as he was, Jake recommends starting small with things that make you feel confident and capable. Do things that build your self-esteem. If you read a lot just do that, go outside, and feel the sun on your face, and don’t downplay the importance of exercise, whether that is lifting weights, or just a walk around your neighborhood.

“Try and string one good hour to another and if your other 22 hours in a day are bad that's great, at least you had those two hours, then try again tomorrow and do the things that make you feel good. Don’t underestimate the power and importance of having one good day.”

Talking is critical as well. He shared the pivotal role his wife has played in his management of anxiety, and the work she has put in to support him, and to be a good partner to him when he isn’t at his best. When things get especially tough, he keeps his son out of daycare, and spends a day following him around to get in the mind of a child and out of his own negative thoughts.

“It doesn't matter where someone is currently, what someone looks like, if they are smiling, just talk. Talk to your friends, talk to your family. If you are going through something, share it with somebody, don’t be ashamed of it, it is OK,” he said.

Jake Jass is an open book about the waves of isolation, anxiety, depression, and tough times he has waded through since his first panic attack. Through patience and work, he has come from watching others live, to helping others live. This, he says, is his ultimate gift.

“If my story helps one person, it was all worth it.”